An official with one of the world’s oldest space agencies has announced that “Aliens are currently all around us, and are watching us all the time.”

Luchezar Filipov, deputy head of the space institute at the government’s Bulgarian Academy of Science, stated that he and a team of scientists are currently analyzing the answers from 30 questions that the scientific team posed to the aliens.

Filipov said the aliens are not hostile in any way. During the media statement that he presented of the aliens’ presence, Filipov claimed some aliens were present right in the room.

It sure is nice of those aliens to travel across the universe and take a 30-question pop quiz like that and come to a media briefing.

Although Filipov claims to be analyzing those answers, he also said “the problem is that we don’t know what to ask of them once a contact is established.”

Apparently our lack of evolution and development is a barrier to communication.

That statement would seem to be at odds with the 30-question quiz the aliens answered. However, Filipov has an answer. His team of crack scientists are analyzing 150 crop circles from around the world, which are somehow coded to answer those questions. Then again, you would only need to worry about that if you believed Filipov.

According to Filipov, earthlings cannot track the extraterrestrials because our radar and radio telescope technology is too primitive. In other words, they are invisible. That is convenient for Filipov’s claims.

In the future, the aliens are only going to contact us through mental power and telepathy. There is no need to worry because Filipov and his team are putting together a “strategic plan” for his next meeting with them in the spring of 2010.

It is too bad the host for our alien guests is so rude. He could have just pointed them out at the media briefing, and we could have gotten to know them. Of course, there is that communication problem, and no explanation why communication-handicapped aliens are attending a media briefing in the first place.

Not everything is hunky-dory with the aliens though. They are upset with our immoral behavior. No, I am not talking about gay marriage and pot smoking. The aliens find human-caused global warming disturbing. They are also upset with human use of cosmetics and artificial insemination because it is “unnatural.”

Filipov claims that we are going to have direct contact with the aliens in the next 10-15 years. I assume that is to give us enough time to stop using cosmetics and make ourselves presentable.

I better brush up on my telepathy in the meantime.

These revelations come at a time when Bulgaria is debating the role of the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences.

If this is the quality of work that the Bulgarians are doing, it looks like the debate should have happened long ago.