Jester’s Court — April 5, 2012

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Nebraska Senate candidate Jon Bruning, who criticized his opponent for trying to follow Bruning’s teenage daughter on Twitter, follows several teenage girls himself on Twitter.

Texts from Hillary.

A fantasy league for the Supreme Court. Really.

In Los Angeles, a sheriff’s captain is under investigation for taking a jewel thief, also a golf pro, onto the greens for tips on how to improve his swing.

New York police are continuing to arrest people for marijuana possession despite an order to cut back on those arrests.

The U.S. Coast Guard is prepared to sink a Japanese shrimp boat that has floated across the Pacific Ocean since last year’s tsunami. It is at the vanguard of Japanese debris from the disaster.

A California judge has ruled that kids can have Happy Meals.

Texas State Rep. Lyle Larson is calling on Mexican President Felipe Calderon to reimburse Texas for services used by illegal aliens.

Xavier University, one of the nation’s oldest Catholic schools, learned that it is providing birth control in the medical plans for its employees after the national uproar over the issue. To keep themselves philosophically pure they have decided to drop that coverage.

In Bosnia, Jews, Gypsies and other minorities continue to be prohibited from running for the national legislature or presidency.

Muammar Gaddafi’s son, Saif, remains jailed by his Libyan captors who have not tried him or turned him over to The Hague where he is wanted for crimes against humanity. The only crime he has been charged with is failure to license camels.

Nicolas Sarkozy’s top chef has revealed that the French head of state has banned cheese from the table at the Elysée Palace.

Europeans can’t figure out why the Supreme Court would overturn the Obama health care plan.

The Wisconsin Republican Party has lined up six fake Democrats to run in upcoming recall elections targeting Governor Scott Walker and five other Republicans.

Arizona lawmakers receive knitted uteruses.

In Broward County, Florida, a sheriff’s candidate claimed to have been endorsed by the deceased Joe DiMaggio.

Mitt Romney said that Barack Obama spent too much time at Harvard, although both graduated from there and Romney has two degrees from the school.

Birther Jerome Corsi: “The noose is tightening for Obama.” See? They’re not racists.

Washington, D.C., Councilman Marion Barry: “We got to do something about these Asians coming in and opening up businesses and dirty shops. They ought to go.”

Iowa Rep. Steve King praised himself for getting vegetarians to declare themselves as such under oath. He vowed that they would never take his meat from him.

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