Jester’s Court — May 1, 2012

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Florida Rep. Allen West: “Obama and his liberal progressive disciples are the modern day Kanamits.” What’s a Kanamit? A 9-foot tall alien from the Twilight Zone that eats people.

Here are three instances in the 1790s where the federal government forced Americans into commerce by requiring the purchase of firearms and health insurance. So much for the notion that individual mandates are unconstitutional.

$80 billion has been spent over the last 10 years devising ways to shoot down ballistic missiles, but there still is not a reliable way to do it.

Minnesota’s governor has vetoed a bill that required physicians to be physically present every time an abortion pill like RU-486 is prescribed, and again every time such a pill is swallowed.

Tennessee awaits its governor’s signature on a bill to ban “gateway sexual activity” like hugging.

Greenville, South Carolina, is considering adding GPS devices to its manhole covers because they keep getting stolen.

South Carolina’s Supreme Court could determine whether more than 100 candidates for state and county offices will be forced off ballots in the June 12 party primaries.

It is now a felony to help someone kill him or herself in Georgia.

Drone strikes have unintentionally killed as many as 300 innocent people; while a Pakistani human rights lawyer said over 2,800 civilians have been killed.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was informed of waterboarding as early as 2002 and did not object.

A mobil app is available that allows travelers to complain immediately to the government if they feel they’ve been treated unfairly by the TSA.

A Canadian astronaut, who is also a Member of Parliament, accused someone of giving away his toy shuttles that were going to be used for a fundraiser.

An Italian town has banned pet owners from keeping goldfish in bowls. The Monza town council believes fish get a “distorted view of reality” when they are kept in a bowl.

A Saudi man sits in jail, waiting for his father to pardon him.

Rick Santorum, the secret Lindsey Lohan fan.

Pet lovers for Obama.

Mitt Romney’s gay foreign policy spokesman has resigned after pressure from anti-gay rights groups.

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