Jester’s Court — August 30, 2012

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Colorado officials say that the personhood amendment doesn’t have enough valid signatures to make the fall ballot.

An atheist, bisexual, former State Senator has won the Democratic nomination for Congress in Arizona. If elected, she would be the first openly bisexual person to serve in Congress.

None of the speakers are mentioning the Tea Party at the RNC.

It’s okay to lie about getting a Purple Heart, just don’t wear it.

Toronto’s mayor can’t remember  89 times in a conflict of interest investigation.

An Alabama town faces an investigation after 130% of its residents are registered to vote.

The State Department has decided that some common phrases, such as “hold down the fort,” are offensive.

The Pentagon warned that it is considering legal action against a former Navy SEAL for breach of non-disclosure agreements with his first-hand account of the raid that killed Osama bin Laden.

An Illinois lawmaker will undergo surgery after a cow slammed into his knee in an early-morning accident at his farm.

Clint Eastwood gave a rambling, mumbling and often incoherent address next to an empty chair that was meant to represent President Obama at the RNC.

Former New Hampshire governor John Sununu said that same-sex marriage is too complicated for a “two-sentence” answer.

South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham: “We’re not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term.”

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