Grover Norquist Breaks the Bad News: There are No Pink Unicorns

Still available in white (Source: Wikimedia)

Frankly, I always thought unicorns only came in white. Of course, I haven’t seen one of those yet, but, apparently, Grover Norquist is an expert on unicorn colors. Pink is out.

Perhaps this is what happens when you hold an extreme view and try to keep the troops in line without defections. Norquist is trying to keep Congressional Republicans from breaking their pledge of no new taxes as long as they live and serve in Congress.

Norquist’s unflinching allegiance to his tax pledge is uncompromising and entrenched. I can’t help but notice the similarity of his pledge to the inscription on the One Ring from the Lord of the Rings.

One Pledge to rule them all, One Pledge to find them,

One Pledge to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

Simply put, Norquist is leading us into darkness or off the fiscal cliff because of his intransigence to accept even the smallest tax increase despite income taxes at historic lows.

Norquist’s intransigence finally seems to be catching up to him. In defense of his pledge, he is making comparisons far stranger than my own with the One Ring.

Recently, Norquist was interviewed by NPR, which summarized the interview:

There has not been a wave of defections by Republicans who signed on to his “no new taxes” pledge and even the few who have spoken about possibly going along with revenue increases won’t do so in the end, anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist told NPR Tuesday.

Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, for instance, imagines being willing to accept some increases in tax revenues if “Democrats would agree to fundamental reform of entitlements,” Norquist told Morning Edition host Steve Inskeep. But such reform, he said, is something Democrats “haven’t done in oh, I don’t know, 60 years.”

It’s like imagining a “pink unicorn,” Norquist said. “If you had a pink unicorn, how many dollars in taxes would you raise to trade for the pink unicorn? Since pink unicorns do not exist in the real world, it’s never occurred to me to worry about the senator from South Carolina. He’s not going to vote for a deal because the kind of 10-1 ratio deal he’s talking about with real, iron-clad spending cuts is never going to happen.”

For most people, referring to an imaginary beast like a unicorn is enough to make a point, but in Norquist’s case, pink gives it an added dimension, a derogatory one, I suppose.

That comparison wouldn’t be so bad on its own, but Norquist seems to be entranced with the concept of making weird comparisons. He added some more, these about marriage and fidelity, as reported by Salon.

Norquist is obviously feeling personally disrespected, and he’s replying with some weird sexual imagery in chastening Republican apostates. A few have had “impure thoughts,” Norquist told CNN, but “no Republican has voted for a tax increase.” Really? “Impure thoughts?” Then he attacked New York Rep. Peter King for publicly stating he didn’t consider the no-tax pledge a lifelong vow. in creepy personal terms: “Shame on him,” Norquist told Piers Morgan. “I hope his wife understands that commitments last a little longer than two years or something.”

Apparently, in Norquist’s world divorce is not allowed. Once someone signs up with Grover, then it’s forever, like a terminal disease.

It is starting to look like Norquist is feeling that there are going to be enough defections from his pledge that his crusade against taxes is on the brink of failing. Comparing his tax pledge to infidelity and pink unicorns is strange imagery. That’s a clear sign of someone who realizes that his influence is slipping through his fingers, pink unicorns or not.


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